Independent Play

Why It’s Hard and How to Help

I remember a mum once telling me that she couldn’t even load the dishwasher without her toddler tugging at her sleeve, begging her to come and play.

Ten minutes to herself felt like a luxury she could only dream of.

I smiled because I knew exactly what she meant. I’ve been there too.

The constant calls of “come play with me” can leave you feeling trapped, like you can’t get anything done unless you have a little shadow right beside you.

If you’ve ever stood in the kitchen, staring at the pile of laundry or the unread emails, wishing for just a few minutes of peace, you’re not alone.

So many parents feel the same when their child won’t play independently.

Why Parents Feel So Frustrated

Let’s be honest, it’s not just tiring, it can make you angry at times.

You want to be the playful, patient parent, but inside you’re screaming for a moment to yourself.

You need space to get through your to-do list, to finish a cup of tea while it’s still hot, or simply to breathe without being touched or talked to.

When that never happens, your own needs stay unmet.

That’s why it feels so frustrating when kids won’t play on their own. It’s not just about their demands, it’s about your needs too.

Why Children Struggle With Independent Play

Children aren’t refusing to play alone to test you.

Their ability to play independently depends on both their age and how secure they feel inside.

• Babies: They are wired for constant closeness. Separation feels unsafe.

• Toddlers: They explore, but only in short bursts before rushing back to you.

• Preschoolers: They can manage a little longer, but still rely on check-ins for reassurance.

• Older children: Independent play is easier, but only if they feel safe, connected, and confident.

Whole Needs Parenting© and Independent Play

In Whole Needs Parenting©, behaviour is communication.

A child who can’t play independently is showing that a need isn’t fully met yet.

Independent play isn’t a trick you can teach overnight.

It grows when children feel secure.

Three core needs matter most:

• Connection: knowing you’re emotionally present, even when you step back.

• Safety: trusting their environment and their place in it.

• Confidence: believing they can handle moments of independence without losing you.

Helping Children Build Independent Play Skills

When children feel connected, emotionally safe, and supported, they begin to build confidence.

That’s when they can take small steps toward independent play.

Over time, those steps turn into stretches of imaginative play without you.

And when that happens, you’ll notice it in the little things

A few quiet minutes where you can drink your tea.

A stretch of time to get through the washing.

Or even a whole half hour where your child is happily lost in their own imagination.

They grow in creativity and confidence, and you finally get the breathing space you’ve been longing for.

What one step can you take today you meet your core needs and your child’s ?