Lacking patience

how to understand why your patience feels so thin

If you were sitting here with me and you said,

“I feel like my patience has gone.

I keep snapping and I hate myself for it,”

the first thing I want you to hear is this…

There is nothing wrong with you.

I’ll say it again… there is nothing wrong with you.

I know it feels like you’re failing.

Like you should be calmer.

Like you should be handling things better.

But the truth is… this happens to so many mums.

And here’s the thing… you care a lot.

You’re juggling so many things at once.

And it often comes out as grumpiness, short answers, or that constant feeling that… one more thing… and you might just snap.

So first thing, please… don’t judge yourself for snapping.

I get it.

We all do it sometimes.

But try… really try… not to judge yourself.

Instead, let’s look at what’s actually happening in your body.

When you snap, it’s not because you don’t have patience. And it’s not because you’re losing control.

It’s your body… trying to tell you something.

See, when one or more of your basic needs hasn’t been met for so long your body eventually goes into protection mode.

And that protection can come out as a sharp word. Or an irritated tone.

Or just that feeling that… you can’t cope.

This is a pattern.

Your body is trying to communicate with you.

It’s saying… I’ve had enough. Something needs to change.

The snap is usually the final straw.

It can be - if you pay heed to it

If you ignore it then it becomes just another snap.

The thing is, as a mum, you’re needed all the time.

You’re looking after everyone else and their feelings.

You’re doing the day without a proper break.

You feel like… no one notices all the things you’re doing.

No one’s thanking you.

And still… you keep going.

You keep adapting.

Your body keeps adapting.

But then snapping happens when your body finally says… That’s enough.

And, yes… your child’s behaviour doesn’t help, right? I know it can feel like they’re pushing you over the edge on purpose… but they’re not.

Kids show us when their needs aren’t being met… through their behaviour.

And when their needs aren’t met and their behaviour escalates and you’re at capacity… well, that’s when it can feel like an explosion.

You’re at your limit… and they’re at theirs.

So, the snapping happens.

And then… comes the guilt.

We blame ourselves.

We tell ourselves we should be calmer.

More patient.

Better at coping.

But that’s not what’s really happening here.

It’s not about effort.

It’s not about motivation.

That just makes life harder.

It’s not an effort problem.

It’s not even a parenting problem.

it’s a communication problem.

And when you see that… when you really see that snapping is your body saying you need something… everything starts to make sense.

Just noticing it.

Understanding it for what it is… that can take some of the pressure off.

You don’t have to try harder to be calmer, or more patient, or better at coping.

You just have to understand… you have needs too.

And when you understand that snapping is just your body saying… pay attention to me!… everything changes.

You realise… you’re not failing.

It’s just your body communicating.

And when your body communicates in a way that you can understand… it doesn’t need to shout so loudly anymore.

Even just this little bit of understanding… can make your day feel a little lighter.