Mum guilt

Mum guilt is real

Mum guilt is common

If you are a mum, you probably know the feeling before the words even reach the page.

That knot in your stomach after snapping at your child.

The ache inside you when you leave them with someone else so you can work.

The sinking thought that you should be doing more, better, or differently.

This is mum guilt. And it is heavy.

And it’s doesn’t stop

It’s exhausting and draining

It can creep into the smallest moments.

When you grab your phone instead of playing.

When dinner is quick and easy instead of slow and nourishing.

When you see another mum doing something you think you should be doing too.

For me - I’d see other mums baking

I’d try….I always felt I failed at it

Whole Needs Parenting© looks at guilt in a wider context.

It recognises that our parenting choices and feelings do not happen in isolation.

They are shaped by a web of needs.

Your child’s needs and your own.

These needs are not only physical.

They are emotional, relational, mental, and practical.

The problem is that guilt often distorts this picture.

It might make you believe your child’s needs can only be met perfectly if you are meeting them constantly.

But children are watching you and learning from you

Your behaviour speaks likely to them.

They are like sponges.

They also need to see you rest, set boundaries, ask for help, and look after yourself.

So these things are not failings.

They are part of what teaches your child balance, resilience, and empathy.

Guilt can sometimes be a signal that something matters to you.

It might be pointing toward a value you hold close.

For example, you might feel guilt when family time is rushed because connection is important to you.

Or you might feel guilt after raising your voice because calm communication matters to you.

When guilt shows you a value, it can be useful.

It is giving you information about what kind of mum you want to be.

Other times guilt is not giving you helpful information.

It is echoing unrealistic expectations, old beliefs from childhood, or the pressure to parent in a way that pleases others.

This type of guilt wears you down.

What does this guilt show you?

Next time guilt arrives, pause and ask yourself

• Is this guilt pointing to something that truly matters to me

• Is it coming from comparison or from someone else’s standard

• If I take away the guilt for a moment, what need is really here for me or my child

• What would it look like to meet that need without punishing myself

If you carry mum guilt, you are normal.

You are human.

And you care deeply.

This is not about getting rid of it today.

It is about noticing it, listening to it, and deciding whether it is a helpful guide or an unnecessary weight.

You can love your child so much and still have moments for yourself.

You can make mistakes and still be an incredible mum.

You can feel guilt and still be enough.