Mum guilt

Mum guilt is real.

And it’s common.

If you’re a mum, you probably felt it before even finishing that sentence.

That knot in your stomach after snapping at your child.

The ache when you walk away so you can go to work.

That sinking thought that I should be doing more.

I should be better.

I should be different.

That’s mum guilt. And it’s heavy.

It doesn’t stop.

It’s exhausting.

It sneaks into the smallest moments.

When you reach for your phone instead of joining in the play.

When dinner is quick and easy instead of slow and nourishing.

When you see another mum doing something you think you should be doing too.

For me, it was baking.

Other mums made it look effortless.

I tried. Every time, I felt like I failed.

In Whole Needs Parenting©, I look into guilt in a bigger context.

Because our feelings and our choices don’t exist in isolation.

They’re part of a web. This is about your child’s needs and your own.

And those needs aren’t just physical.

They’re emotional. Relational. Mental. Practical.

The trouble is, guilt can blur that picture.

It makes you believe that being a good mum means meeting every need, all the time, perfectly.

But here’s the truth: your child is learning from you all the time.

Not just when you do things “right.”

They learn from how you rest.

From how you set boundaries.

From how you ask for help and care for yourself.

These aren’t failings.

They’re lessons in balance, resilience, and empathy.

Sometimes guilt is a sign that something matters to you.

It’s pointing to a value you hold close.

Maybe you feel guilty when family time is rushed because connection is important to you.

Or when you raise your voice because calm communication matters to you.

When guilt shows you your values, it can be useful.

It’s information about the kind of mum you want to be.

But other times, guilt isn’t helpful.

It’s old conditioning, unrealistic expectations, comparison, or pressure to parent in a way that pleases others.

That kind of guilt only drains you.

So next time guilt shows up, pause and ask yourself:

• Is this guilt pointing to something that truly matters to me?

• Or is it coming from comparison or someone else’s standard?

• If I set the guilt aside for a moment, what need is really here for me or for my child?

• What would it look like to meet that need without punishing myself?

If you feel mum guilt, you’re normal.

You’re human.

And you care deeply.

This isn’t about getting rid of guilt overnight.

It’s about noticing it. Listening to it. Deciding whether it’s a helpful guide or just extra weight you don’t need to carry.

You can love your child and still need space for yourself.

You can make mistakes and still be an incredible mum.

You can feel guilt and still be enough.