Exhaustion

How to understand why you are so tired even when you are getting some sleep

If you are a mum who feels permanently drained, foggy, snappy, or emotionally flat, it is probably not because you are failing, lazy, or bad at coping.

It is because your brain is carrying far too many open loops.

An open loop is anything unfinished, undecided, unresolved, or waiting.

The message you still need to reply to.

The behaviour you are worried about but have not addressed.

The conversation you keep replaying.

The thing you meant to look into.

The feeling you keep pushing aside because there is no time.

Most mums are walking around with hundreds of these running quietly in the background.

Your brain does not like open loops.

It is wired to keep them active so you do not forget them.

That means even when you sit down, even when the house is quiet, even when you are in bed, your system is still working.

This is not rest.

How to see the real energy zappers in your life

Exhaustion is not always about what you are doing.

It is often about what you are holding.

Mental load is not just remembering things.

It is the constant scanning for what still needs attention, what might go wrong, what you cannot afford to drop.

Uncertainty is exhausting.

Unspoken resentment is exhausting.

Avoided decisions are exhausting.

Being on alert with your child is exhausting.

Your nervous system treats all of this as unfinished business.

So it stays switched on.

You do not get to recharge in survival mode.

How to stop blaming yourself for being overwhelmed

Many mums think they need to be more organised, more disciplined, more resilient.

But the issue is not capacity.

It is overload.

When your brain is juggling too many open loops, it stops working efficiently.

It forgets things.

It loses focus.

It becomes reactive.

It reaches for quick relief instead of long term clarity.

That is not a personal flaw.

That is how a human nervous system behaves under constant pressure.

How to understand what happens if this is left unaddressed

Open loops do not disappear on their own.

If they are not closed, your system adapts by lowering the bar.

You start tolerating things you would never have accepted before.

You become more short tempered with your kids, then feel guilty.

You avoid conversations because you do not have the energy to manage the fallout.

You disconnect emotionally because feeling is too costly.

Over time, exhaustion turns into numbness.

Overwhelm turns into anxiety.

Pressure turns into resentment.

And eventually your body steps in.

Sleep problems.

Brain fog.

Frequent illness.

Emotional shutdown.

A sense that you are no longer yourself.

This is not because you are broken.

It is because your system has been carrying too much for too long.

How to understand what actually needs to change

You do not need another routine.

You do not need another parenting tip.

You do not need to try harder.

What needs to change is the number of open loops your brain is responsible for holding.

Some things need decisions.

Some things need honesty.

Some things need to be felt instead of suppressed.

Some things need to be consciously released.

Until that happens, your nervous system will keep choosing protection over connection.

How to give yourself permission to stop holding everything

Your exhaustion is not a failure.

It is feedback.

It is your system telling you that something needs closure, not more effort.

Clarity creates energy.

Completion creates calm.

Safety creates capacity.

If nothing changes, your world simply gets smaller. You cope, but you do not expand.

You function, but you do not feel free.

And then if still nothing changes … it’s get worse.

And that is not the life you imagined.

Something needs to close.

Not all at once.

Not perfectly.

But intentionally.

That is where your energy comes back.