Overwhelmed Mum

When it’s all too much: Parenting through overwhelm

I stood at the kitchen bench, lunchboxes half-packed, my toddler crying at my feet, and my older one refusing to brush their teeth. My phone buzzed, I shouldn’t have looked - an early work email. I hadn’t even had a coffee. My day always starts with coffee. My chest tightened and my stomach cramped. One more thing and I knew I’d snap. Not another day of this please.

I didn’t want to be the mum who yells. Like my mum did.

I didn’t want to rush my kids out the door in tears because we ran out of time.

I just wanted someone to pause everything. As my childhood friend used to say “stop the world I want to get off’

Overwhelm doesn’t always come with warning signs.

It creeps in when your to-do list keeps growing, when you haven’t had five quiet minutes in days, and when every little thing feels like too much.

It’s not that you don’t love your kids.

It’s not that you’re not strong.

Overwhelm is a feeling.

What’s more, it is actually a message from your body and brain saying, “This is more than I can handle right now.”

Here’s the catch: it’s not the same every day.

Some mornings you glide through the chaos, laughing as you tie shoelaces with one hand and pack lunches with the other and have a phonecall whilst on speaker phone.

Other days, the sound of a spoon clattering on the floor can make your whole nervous system snap like a rubber band.

That’s the thing. Overwhelm isn’t a fact.

It’s not a measurement of your capacity.

It’s the result of your body being on high alert.

Too many inputs, not enough support.

And when you’re in that state, the smallest misstep from your child can feel like the last straw.

They whine, your frustration rises.

They spill something, you yell.

You can’t take one more thing.

You see their behaviour as defiance, not a need.

Let’s consider in more depth about parenting.

Firstly, let’s remind ourselves that our children are never out to get us.

“Whole needs parenting” reminds us we have needs. The kids have needs and we ourselves have needs. Overwhelm builds when your needs are pushed aside for too long. When your body is crying out for rest, for quiet, for reassurance…….and gets none of it.

When you’re overwhelmed, it’s not a discipline problem.

It’s a connection problem.

Starting with connection to yourself.

So what can you do?

You start by recognising that feeling.

Naming it.

You acknowledge that this is a moment, not a failure.

You look beneath the surface, not just of your child’s behaviour, but of your own reactions.

And then, not in the chaos of the morning, but in a quiet moment later, you consider what needs have been ignored.

Yours and theirs.

What signals you missed.

What safety and regulation might look like next time.

You don’t fix everything at once.

You just listen.

You stay curious.

You create space.

Because the antidote to overwhelm isn’t control.

It’s care.

And that care starts with you.