Gentle parenting tips for overwhelmed parents
Clinginess really tests us.
Even the most patient parent.
It’s not easy when you can’t take a step without a small hand reaching for you or when your attempts to get something done are interrupted by cries of “Don’t leave me!”
I remember not being able to go to the toilet
I know you can relate !
The constant demand for closeness can leave you feeling physically drained and emotionally stretched.
You start to feel trapped, longing for just a moment to breathe or to focus on something—anything—without someone clinging to your side.
I would look forward to the day I could read a book uninterrupted.
My sister in law said to choose light reads because it’s too hard to find time.
It’s okay to admit that this can be frustrating.
You’re only human, and parenting a clingy child often means neglecting your own needs .
This result of this can lead to feelings of resentment and then guilt.
You might wonder if you’re doing something wrong, or you may fear that their clinginess will never end.
And this stage feels like it is going on forever. It takes over.
These feelings are valid. Parenting is challenging, and it’s hard to pour from an empty cup.
Recognising your own frustration doesn’t make you a bad parent—it makes you a real one.
It’s important to show yourself the same compassion you aim to show your child. And we so often do not do this. We are hard on ourselves.
Clinginess isn’t a reflection of failure; it’s a sign that your child wants reassurance.
And it’s a reminder of the bond you’re building, even in the hardest moments.
So we acknowledge that clinginess in children can leave you feeling stretched, frustrated, and sometimes even guilty.
However, clinginess is a natural part of a child’s development and signals their growing need for connection and security.
By understanding why children exhibit this behaviour at different stages, we can respond with positive parenting and gentle parenting approaches that strengthen our bond with them.
Why Is My Child So Clingy?
Clinginess is often tied to a child's developmental milestones. Here’s a breakdown by age:
Infancy (0-12 months)
In the first year of life, babies are completely dependent on their caregivers for survival.
Around 6-8 months, many babies begin to experience separation anxiety, which peaks around 10-18 months.
This happens because they’ve developed the cognitive ability to recognize that you exist even when you’re not in sight, but they haven’t yet developed the confidence that you’ll come back.
Toddlers (1-3 years)
As toddlers start exploring the world, they may experience clinginess as a way to regulate their feelings of independence and fear.
They’re torn between wanting to venture out and the comfort of staying close to you.
Changes in routine, developmental leaps, or overwhelming emotions can amplify clinginess.
Preschool Age (3-5 years)
At this stage, children are developing social skills and learning to navigate relationships.
They might cling when they feel shy, overwhelmed by new situations, or unsure of how to handle separation from you.
Their vivid imaginations can also lead to fears, such as of the dark or monsters, which make them seek your presence for comfort.
School Age and Beyond (6+ years)
Older children can be clingy, too, especially during transitions like starting school, moving, or family changes.
Even though they’re gaining independence, emotional challenges or stress may lead them to seek reassurance through physical closeness or constant attention.
What Can Parents Do About Clinginess?
Instead of seeing clinginess as a problem, view it as a signal that your child needs reassurance and connection.
Gentle parenting focuses on responding with empathy, while positive parenting emphasises teaching skills and reinforcing confidence. Here’s how to navigate clinginess at any stage:
1. Acknowledge and Validate Their Feelings
When your child clings to you, they are expressing a need.
Acknowledge this without dismissing or shaming them.
For example:
Say: “I see you’re feeling nervous about me leaving. It’s okay to feel that way.”
Avoid: “You’re being too clingy. Stop it.”
By validating their emotions, you show them you’re a safe space where their feelings are respected.
2. Build Predictable Routines
Clinginess often stems from uncertainty.
Establishing a consistent routine helps children feel secure. Let them know what to expect:
Create a goodbye ritual if you’re leaving, such as a hug and a special wave.
Use visual schedules or timers to help them anticipate transitions.
3. Offer Reassurance Without Overpromising
Reassure your child while being honest. For instance, if you’re leaving, tell them when you’ll return in terms they understand: “I’ll be back after your nap.” This builds trust over time.
4. Encourage Independence Gradually
Support your child’s independence in small, manageable steps:
Stay close as they explore. For example, sit nearby while they play at the park.
Praise their efforts when they try something on their own, even if they need your help later.
5. Teach Coping Skills
Help your child develop tools to manage their feelings. Role-play scenarios where they might feel scared or lonely and practice how they can handle these situations. Teach self-soothing techniques like deep breathing or holding onto a comforting object.
6. Provide One-on-One Connection
A clingy child may be seeking extra attention. Proactively offer undivided time with them to fill their “attachment cup.” Even 10-15 minutes of focused, playful interaction can reduce clinginess by reinforcing your bond.
7. Be Patient During Transitions
Big life changes, such as starting school or welcoming a new sibling, can heighten clinginess. During these times, give extra reassurance and keep the rest of their environment stable.
8. Take Care of Yourself
Clinginess can be exhausting.
Prioritise self-care so you can remain calm and patient.
When you’re regulated, it’s easier to meet your child’s emotional needs.
Why Responding With Empathy Matters
Gentle and positive parenting approaches don’t just address the behavior; they strengthen the long-term bond between you and your child.
By consistently showing empathy, you help them build emotional resilience and trust in their ability to navigate challenges.
By responding with love and understanding, you’re not just solving the immediate issue—you’re teaching your child that their emotions matter and that they can rely on you, no matter what.
In the end, clinginess is a phase, but the connection you foster through it will last a lifetime.
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