Triggered? Stressed?

Why do Mums Get Triggered?

Why are Mums Stressed ?

The Real Reason Behind it and 5 Steps to address it:

Sarah stood in the kitchen, staring at the mountain of dishes. Again!

Her toddler was crying, her six-year-old was demanding a snack, and somewhere in the chaos, her phone buzzed with yet another school reminder.

She felt her chest tighten. Not again. And she felt deflated.

“Just give me a minute!” she snapped, and the room went silent.

Her six-year-old’s face changed, and her toddler’s crying grew louder.

Immediately, guilt came over her.

Why did she always lose it like this?

On top of everything else she now feels worse

She knew the advice: “Take a deep breath.” “Stay calm.” “Remember, they’re just kids.”

But in the heat of the moment, it was like trying to hold back a flood with a paper cup.

She needed help with her kids behaviour.

Sarah wasn’t angry because her kids were misbehaving.

Not really.

But …..if only her kids would stop whining and demanding ….

It was more than the mess, the noise, the constant demands.

It was the never-ending list of things to remember, to manage, to do.

It was waking up tired and ending the day even more exhausted.

The mental and emotional pressure was exhausting

Never a moment of not thinking “ what’s next “

It was feeling like every single part of her life was about someone else and there was nothing left for her.

She loved her kids.

But loving them didn’t mean she wasn’t struggling.

And this was the hardest part and no one really saw it.

To the outside world, she was a “great mum.”

She was always there for her kids, remembered the costumes for dress-up day, and volunteered for the school fair. Always smiling. Everyone said so.

But beneath that smile was a woman hanging by a thread.

It was because she was running on empty, giving everything and getting nothing back.

But even then, she never asked for help.

When someone offered help, she always seemed to say, “I don’t have time.”

It wasn’t a lie.

There were groceries to buy, laundry to fold, homework to check.

But deep down, it was something else.

Admitting she needed help felt like admitting she wasn’t coping and that was something she didn’t want to face.

And additionally underneath it all was something even more maddening. A lack of choice.

A life where every minute seemed spoken for, where everything she did was for someone else.

Where are her needs. They are just ignored. They don’t even make it onto the list.

It wasn’t just that she was overwhelmed.

It was that she felt trapped. stuck. Neglected.

So, day after day, Sarah kept going.

Snapping, apologising, feeling guilty, then doing it all over again.

And that’s the point at which I met her.

Why do mums get triggered?

It’s not because they don’t love their kids.

It’s because somewhere along the way, they forgot themselves.

But beneath all of it is something even deeper.

A fear of abandonment.

Not by their kids, but by themselves.

Because at our core, abandonment is one of the hardest human emotions to handle.

It’s tied to our most basic need of survival.

We’re wired to stay connected, to belong, to be seen.

And when a mum feels invisible in her own life, it’s not just exhausting. It’s terrifying. There’s a feeling of no control. And we humans hate this feeling.

So, what do we do?

1. Be honest about what’s going on for you.

   
   

   Stop pretending you’re fine when you’re not. Admit to yourself that you’re overwhelmed, exhausted, or feeling trapped. It’s not a failure, it’s a starting point.

   
   

2. Become aware of your core needs.

   
   

   What do you actually need each day to feel human? Is it quiet time, a chance to exercise, connection with friends? Identify these needs because they are non-negotiable.

   
   

3. Recognise that taking care of yourself is taking care of your family.

   
   

   A burnt-out mum can’t be present or patient. Prioritising yourself isn’t selfish, it’s essential. Start small, but start now.

   
   

4. Create small pockets of choice.

   
   

   Your day is busy, but you can still reclaim tiny moments. Choose your morning coffee spot, pick a podcast you love, decide on a 10-minute walk just for you. These little choices rebuild a sense of control.

   
   

5. Ask for help and be specific.

   
   

   Don’t just say, “I need a break.” Say, “Can you take the kids for an hour so I can go for a walk?” or “I need help with dinner tonight.” Let others support you.

   
   

   ASK for help and accept help!