Bedtime battles

How to Help Your Child Get to Bed (Without Losing Your Mind)

The Bedtime Battle: A Familiar Struggle

You finally get to the end of the day.

Dinner is done, the toys are (mostly) away, and you’re counting down the minutes until you can sit down for a moment of peace.

But instead of a calm bedtime, you find yourself facing a never-ending battle.

Your child is suddenly thirsty.

Then hungry.

Then they remember a toy they absolutely must find.

They jump out of bed, ask a million questions, or dissolve into tears because the wrong pajamas are on.

You start out patient.

But by the fourth trip back to their room, you feel frustration rising.

Yet another difficult bedtime !

You wonder if every other parent is somehow managing to get their kids tucked in and asleep without this nightly chaos.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

Bedtime is one of the hardest times of day for many families.

It’s when children, after a long day of following rules and handling emotions, finally let it all out. However you are exhausted and running on empty too.

A Story Most Parents Know Well

Sarah, Jack’s mum (3) used to dread bedtime.

It would start okay, but when it came time to actually say goodnight, Jack would cling to her, beg for “one more story,” and they become full of tears when she tried to leave the room.

At first, Sarah thought she needed to be firmer.

Then she worried she was being too hard.

She was stuck between not wanting to abandon Jack’s feelings but desperately needing a break herself.

The truth is, bedtime struggles aren’t about a child being “bad” or a parent “failing.”

They’re about transitions, security, and the need for structure, connection, and reassurance all at once.

Understanding Why Bedtime Is So Hard

Bedtime is a big emotional shift for kids:

• They’re separating from you (even if just for the night).

• They’re letting go of the day’s stimulation.

• Their tired brains are less able to cope with frustration.

Children, especially toddlers and preschoolers, aren’t wired to manage all of that smoothly yet.

So we can end up with chaos. We need to step in with structure, predictability, and connection.

How to Prepare for a Smoother Bedtime

1. Create a Predictable Routine

Children feel safest when they know what’s coming next.

A consistent bedtime routine creates a feeling of security and helps their brain start winding down.

A simple routine might look like:

• Bath

• Pajamas

• Brush teeth

• Storytime

• Goodnight hug and kiss

• Lights out

Keep it the same order, every night.

It’s the repetition that matters most.

It creates familiarity and therefore predictability and that gives them safety.

Prepare by ensuring they’ve had a drink, are not hungry, have been to the toilet, got their favourite toy and so on.

2. Transition Gradually

Consider respecting where the child is emotionally at the moment.

Instead of suddenly announcing, “Bedtime! Now!” (which can feel abrupt and overwhelming), give them warning and choice.

• 5-minute warning: “In 5 minutes, we’ll head up to brush teeth.”

• Choice within limits: “Do you want to hop like a bunny or walk like a bear to the bathroom?”

Choices help children feel a little more in control, making them less likely to resist.

3. Fill Their Connection Cup First

Much of the stalling at bedtime is a bid for more connection.

If possible, spend 10–15 minutes of focused, undistracted time together before the bedtime routine—playing, reading, snuggling, anything that makes your child feel connected.

Often, the more connected a child feels before bed, the less desperate they are at bedtime.

4. Respond with Calm Consistency

When your child gets out of bed or protests, respond calmly but firmly.

You don’t give in to every request.

These are excuses.

Be firm and hold your boundaries kindly and consistently.

• “It’s time for sleeping now. I love you. I’ll see you in the morning.” (Walk them back without getting into long explanations.)

• Stay neutral—no anger, but no long chats either.

The more emotion we pour into bedtime drama, the more “rewarding” (and stimulating) it becomes for the child.

5. Think Step by Step, Not All at Once

If your child struggles to stay in bed, you might need to build up their confidence gradually.

For example:

• You could start by sitting quietly in their room until they fall asleep, without interacting much.

• Over nights, move further from the bed, then to the doorway, then outside the room.

This is often called “the gradual withdrawal method”—supporting them without creating new habits that you’re stuck maintaining forever.

Your Role: The Steady Lighthouse

At bedtime, you need to stay steady, reliable, and calm even when the storms of emotion swirl around you.

This is easier said than done

Having a step by step process helps this.

Your child is looking to you to convey:

• “You’re safe.”

• “It’s okay to feel upset or scared.”

• “I’m here—and you can handle this.”

They need your strength and your softness.

They need to know you mean what you say, and that it’s okay to feel big things along the way.

That’s not being harsh.

That’s being loving and dependable.

Final Thoughts: Progress, Not Perfection

Getting kids to bed peacefully doesn’t happen overnight.

Some nights will go smoothly; some will be messy.

That’s normal.

The goal isn’t to make bedtime perfect, it’s to build habits and emotional security over time.

With preparation, routine, and connection and by stepping through bedtime calmly and consistently, you’ll teach your child not just to go to bed, but to feel safe and capable doing it.

And maybe, just maybe, you’ll get to enjoy that long-awaited drink and quiet for yourself …before you fall asleep too!

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