Kids not doing what they are told?

My Child Will Not Do What They Are Told

I hear this so often!

Every parent knows this moment.

Maybe several times a day!

You ask your child to do something simple, put their shoes on, brush their teeth, get in the car, and instead of doing it,

They resist.

They dawdle.

They ignore you.

They throw themselves on the floor…..

And suddenly you are in a battle.

Why is it so hard ?

Why won’t they just do it ?

After all, you are the parent.

And they need to do it !

So why don’t they just do it ?

One mum told me about the morning her son refused to get dressed for school.

She had already asked him at least three times.

Her baby was crying in the other room.

She could feel the time passing, she was becoming more and more tense every second.

Finally, she snapped.

“Just do what you are told!” she shouted, her voice sharp and loud. Her words said with precision and staccato.

Her son burst into tears.

She grabbed his clothes and tried to shove his arms through the sleeves while he pushed back.

The more she insisted, the more he resisted.

By the time they got out the door, both of them were angry and exhausted.

It was a mess.

Later, she sat in the car feeling awful.

She had not wanted to yell, but in the moment, it felt like the only option.

If you have ever been there, you are not alone.

We all go to that place sometimes.

It is human.

Now imagine the same morning again.

Her son refused to get dressed.

She felt the pressure building, the baby crying, the minutes slipping away, but this time she took a breath.

She remembered: He is not trying to ruin my morning.

He is showing me something he does not have words for.

Instead of barking another order, she crouched down and looked at him. She asked herself:

• Is he needing a bit of connection before he can cooperate?

• Is he overwhelmed because the morning feels rushed?

• Does he need to feel like he has some choice?

She did not ignore the fact that he needed to get dressed.

But she saw the bigger picture, that behaviour is communication.

So she slowed down.

She connected with him for a moment.

She recognised his need instead of only his behaviour.

And what happened?

He softened.

He let her help him into his clothes.

They still got out the door, but this time with less shouting and more calm.

What Is Different

In the first version, the need was still there but it went unseen.

That is why the battle grew bigger.

In the second version, she looked beneath the behaviour.

She did not let him win or get away with it.

She saw his need and met it.

And when needs are met, cooperation follows.

That is the essence of Whole Needs Parenting: every behaviour is a signal.

When your child will not do what they are told, what you need to do is pause and ask:

What is this really about?

It does not mean mornings will always run smoothly. But it does mean you can leave the house with connection instead of conflict, and that is worth so much.

Your day will go better.

You won’t beat yourself up

Or have the guilt underneath.

And you could or children with have a smoother calmer day.