I Yelled at My Child. What Now?

Updated: Oct 9

How to Repair After Losing It (Whole Needs Parenting© Guide)

Every mum has moments where she “loses it.”

You snap, shout, or say something you regret.

The guilt comes rushing in straight after. Whole Needs Parenting says this is not the end of the story, it’s the start of repair.

Both you and your child have needs in that moment, and the way you respond afterwards can build connection rather than damage it.

Why mums lose their temper with kids

When you “lose it,” it’s usually because your own needs are unmet.

Maybe you’re exhausted, overloaded, or feeling unheard.

Your child, too, is acting out of their unmet needs. They might be tired, hungry, overstimulated, or simply craving attention.

In Whole Needs Parenting©, we remember that behaviour is communication of inner needs and feelings.

Two nervous systems collide, and the blow-up happens.

What to do after shouting at your child

Real-life repair examples

Imagine this: Your four-year-old spills juice across the table after you’ve just cleaned up.

You snap and yell.

They burst into tears.

After stepping away to calm down, you return with a softer presence.

You join them at the table, bring cloths, and clean up side by side.

The act of doing it together rebuilds connection. Both needs are met: theirs for comfort and yours for order.

Another day it might look like this:

You lose your patience at bedtime.

Later, once you are calmer, you go back into their room, sit beside them quietly, and stay present until they relax.

The child’s need for closeness is met, and your need for rest is also acknowledged.

The bigger picture for mums

Shouting doesn’t make you a bad mum.

It makes you human.

What matters is the repair.

When you step back in with honesty and care, you show your child that behaviour is communication of inner needs and feelings for both of you.

Relationships are not broken by mistakes, but strengthened by repair.

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