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Stop that tantrum now!

Writer's picture: Life MentoringLife Mentoring

How to Handle Tantrums with Empathy and Positive Parenting

It’s 8 a.m., and the morning rush is in full swing. Your toddler suddenly throws themselves on the floor, screaming because their toast was cut into squares instead of triangles. You feel your stress levels rise as the clock ticks closer to school drop-off time.


If you’ve ever been in this situation—or one just like it—you’re not alone.


Tantrums can feel like a test of patience, endurance, and self-control.


It’s hard not to feel overwhelmed, embarrassed, or even frustrated at your child’s seemingly irrational outburst.


You might even question if you’re doing something wrong as a parent.


But before diving into solutions, take a moment to acknowledge how hard this is.


Parenting through tantrums is not easy, and your feelings of exhaustion or frustration are completely valid.



Understanding the Developmental Stage

To navigate tantrums, it helps to understand what’s happening in your child’s brain.


Young children, particularly toddlers, are still developing their ability to regulate emotions.


Their prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for self-control and reasoning—isn’t fully developed yet.


When they experience big emotions like frustration, disappointment, or anger, they lack the tools to express these feelings in a calm, measured way.


A tantrum is essentially a child’s way of saying, “I don’t know how to handle what I’m feeling right now.”


While it may seem chaotic, this is an important developmental stage.


It’s an opportunity for them to begin learning emotional regulation, a skill that will benefit them for the rest of their lives.


Why Emotional Regulation Matters


Learning to manage emotions is crucial for a child’s future well-being and relationships.


A child who learns healthy ways to express frustration, sadness, or anger grows into an adult who can navigate challenges, communicate effectively, and maintain stronger connections with others.


Each tantrum is a stepping stone for your child.


When we approach these moments with patience and understanding, we show them that emotions aren’t something to fear or suppress—they’re simply part of being human.


Helping your child process these big feelings lays the foundation for resilience and emotional intelligence.


Modeling Emotional Regulation


One of the most powerful ways to teach emotional regulation is to model it yourself. This can be easier said than done!!


Children learn by watching us, and our reactions to stress or frustration provide a blueprint for their own behavior.


When a tantrum erupts, it’s tempting to snap or raise your voice.


But taking a moment to pause, breathe, and respond calmly teaches your child that it’s possible to handle big emotions without losing control.


For example, if you feel overwhelmed during a tantrum, you might say out loud, “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath before I talk.”


This not only helps you regulate your own emotions but also shows your child a practical strategy they can imitate.


Learning Emotional Regulation for Yourself


Modeling calmness requires emotional regulation skills, which many of us didn’t learn growing up.


If you find it challenging to stay composed during tantrums, you’re not alone.


Many parents need to build these skills alongside their children.


Practicing mindfulness, seeking support can help you grow in this area. I have a program that not only takes you through this but also helps you create (emotional) stability and (emotional) safety in your life.


Remember, parenting is a journey, and it’s okay to admit that you’re learning too.


The Goal of Gentle Parenting


At its core, gentle parenting is about fostering a secure, respectful relationship with your child.


It’s about helping them navigate life’s ups and downs with kindness and guidance rather than fear or punishment.


Emotional regulation is a key part of this philosophy, as it equips your child—and you—with tools for handling life’s challenges.


Tantrums, while difficult, are an opportunity to teach your child that all emotions are valid and manageable.


By approaching these moments with empathy and understanding, you’re not only helping them in the short term but also setting them up for a lifetime of healthier relationships and emotional well-being.


So next time your child is in the middle of a meltdown, take a deep breath and remember: this is hard, but you’re doing one of the most important jobs there is—teaching your child how to handle the world, one emotion at a time.


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