My kids don’t listen!

How to Stay Calm When Your Kids Don’t Listen—and Help Them Start Paying Attention

As a mum, few things are as frustrating as asking your kids to do something and being ignored.

Maybe you’ve asked them to clean up their toys, stop bouncing on the sofa, or get ready for bed.

Instead of cooperation, you’re met with blank stares, half-hearted nods, moaning and whining or worse—completely ignoring you.

Over time, the frustration builds.

You repeat yourself, raise your voice, and eventually, you might lose your cool.

It’s a cycle many mums know all too well: frustration leads to yelling, yelling leads to guilt, and you’re left feeling exhausted, questioning your parenting skills.

It’s not just about the chore they didn’t do; it’s about the sense of being invisible and unappreciated.

But here’s the truth: your kids aren’t ignoring you on purpose to drive you mad.

Often, they’re just distracted, tired, or not sure what’s being asked of them.

With a few tweaks to how you approach these moments, you can break the cycle and foster better communication.

Why Kids Don’t Listen

Kids aren’t born knowing how to focus or follow instructions; they learn these skills over time.

Factors like their age, emotional state, or current activity can all impact their ability to respond.

If they’re engrossed in play or feeling overwhelmed themselves, your voice can feel like background noise.

And when we, as mums, lose patience or use too many words to explain, they can feel overwhelmed too.

The key is to approach communication in a way that grabs their attention without adding unnecessary stress—for you or for them.

How to Get Your Kids to Listen

Here’s a simple, effective method to help your kids focus on what you’re saying and follow through on your requests:

1. Stop and Calm Yourself

Before addressing your child, take a breath.

If you’re already frustrated, give yourself a moment to reset.

Kids mirror our emotions—if you’re calm and in control, they’re more likely to respond positively.

2. Say Their Name

Start by saying your child’s name in a calm, clear voice.

This helps get their attention and makes the request feel personal.

3. Get Their Attention

Go to where your child is, rather than shouting from another room.

If they’re busy with an activity, kneel down to their level.

4. Look at Them

Make sure they’re looking at you before you speak. Eye contact ensures they’re focused on you and not their surroundings.

5. Be Specific About Timing

If they’re deeply engaged in something, acknowledge their focus: “I see you’re building your Lego tower. In two minutes, I’ll need you to come to the kitchen to help set the table.”

Giving them a heads-up prepares them for the transition and avoids surprising them with a demand.

6. Be Clear and Firm

Use as few words as possible.

Long explanations or vague requests can confuse kids.

Instead of saying, “Can you maybe tidy up your toys soon because I’m about to vacuum and don’t want to trip over them,” say, “Please put your toys in the bin now.”

7. Offer Help When Needed

Sometimes kids don’t follow instructions because the task feels too big or overwhelming.

If they hesitate, offer to help: “Let’s pick up the first three toys together, and then you can do the rest.”

8. Praise Them Afterward

Once they’ve completed the task, offer genuine thanks and praise:“Great job putting your shoes away! That really helped me out.”This reinforces positive behavior and builds their confidence.

Breaking the Frustration Cycle

When you use this approach consistently, you’ll notice fewer power struggles and more cooperation. You’ll feel calmer and more in control, and your kids will feel respected and understood.

Parenting is hard work, especially when life feels chaotic.

But small changes in how you communicate can make a big difference.

By focusing on connection first and giving clear instructions, you’ll create a smoother dynamic—and maybe even a little more peace in your home.

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