Help ! - Yet another tantrum

How to Respond to a yet another Tantrum

The Familiar Scene: A Tantrum and a Mess

You’ve stayed calm.

You’ve allowed the feelings.

And now, as you stand in the middle of a room full of clothes that your three-year-old just threw everywhere in a fit of frustration, you wonder—what now?

You bend down, take a deep breath, and say, “Okay, let’s clean this up.”

But instead of cooperation, you get another tantrum.

You’re torn.

You want to be patient.

You don’t want to punish emotions.

But you also don’t want your child to think they can throw things and walk away.

Should you insist?

Should you let it go?

Are you being too permissive, or too harsh?

You’re not alone in this.

This is one of the hardest parts of parenting—figuring out how to allow feelings without allowing every behaviour.

Ages and Stages: Why Tantrums Happen

Toddlers and Preschoolers (Ages 1–4)

Tantrums at this stage aren’t about testing boundaries on purpose—they’re about emotional overwhelm.

A toddler or young child lacks the words and self-regulation to say, “I’m frustrated because I wanted to choose my own clothes.”

Instead, they react physically—throwing, screaming, or refusing to cooperate.

Early Childhood (Ages 5–7)

As children get older, their emotional control improves, but frustration still leads to meltdowns.

At this stage, they’re also experimenting with what happens next when they break a rule.

Tweens and Beyond (Ages 8+)

While full-blown tantrums usually fade, emotional meltdowns can still happen.

The goal is to teach emotional regulation early so that as kids grow, they know how to handle frustration without acting out.

Understanding Tantrums: Every Behavior Has a Purpose

Children don’t throw tantrums for no reason.

Every behaviour is a form of communication.

A tantrum is often a sign that something is too much for them—too frustrating, too difficult, or too overwhelming.

• Overwhelm – Maybe the task feels too big, or there are too many steps.

• Lack of control – Kids crave independence but don’t always have the skills to manage it.

• Big emotions – They feel something intense but don’t know how to express it yet.

• Tiredness or hunger – Basic needs play a huge role in emotional regulation.

When a child is flooded with emotions, they’re not thinking rationally.

This is why trying to reason with them mid-tantrum often doesn’t work.

What Parents Can Do: Balancing Feelings and Boundaries

1. Validate the Feelings, but Hold the Boundary

Your child is allowed to feel angry, but that doesn’t mean they can throw everything on the floor.

The key is separating the feeling (which is always okay) from the behaviour (which may not be okay).

• What to say during the tantrum:

• “You’re really upset right now. It’s okay to be upset.”

• “I see you’re frustrated. I’m here.”

• What NOT to say:

• “Stop crying—it’s not a big deal.” (Minimising their feelings teaches them to suppress emotions.)

• “You’re being bad.” (Labeling them instead of addressing their behaviour.)

2. Reduce Overwhelm and Make the Task Feel Doable

If your child threw everything on the floor, cleaning it all up may feel impossible.

Instead of demanding they clean up immediately, break it down into smaller steps:

• Make it a team effort: “Let’s do it together.”

• Give choices: “Do you want to start with shirts or pants?”

• Use playfulness: “Let’s see how fast we can do it!”

By reducing overwhelm, you help them feel capable rather than defeated.

3. Follow Through, Even If There’s Another Tantrum

It’s natural to want to avoid another meltdown, but if you give up, your child learns that refusing will get them out of cleaning up.

Stay firm and calm.

If they refuse, hold your boundary.

They don’t get to move on to the next activity until the mess is cleaned up.

You’re not punishing them—you’re teaching responsibility.

4. Model Emotional Regulation

Kids learn by watching.

If you get frustrated and start yelling, they learn that’s how to handle big emotions.

Instead, show them calm problem-solving:

• Instead of: “Why do you always do this?!”

• Try: “I feel frustrated too, but we can handle this together.”

5. Be Patient—It’s a Long-Term Process

Remember - your child is learning.

It may feel like your child never listens, but every time you follow through, you’re reinforcing the lesson.

Over time, they’ll internalise that emotions are okay, but actions have consequences.

Final Thoughts: Discipline Without Shame

You’re not expecting too much.

You’re guiding your child toward self-regulation.

Parenting isn’t about letting kids do whatever they want—it’s about teaching them how to handle emotions and behaviours in a way that helps them grow.

So the next time your child has a tantrum, remember:

• Feelings are always okay.

• Some behaviours aren’t.

• Overwhelm may be the root cause—help them break it down.

• Boundaries are necessary, and it’s okay if they resist.

• Consistency is key—stay firm but kind.

Over time, your child will learn that while they’re free to express their feelings, they’re also responsible for their actions.

And that’s what discipline—true, respectful, and effective discipline—is all about.