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I tell my kids that I’ve messed them up somehow.

Their job is to work out how, and fix it !

Don’t get me wrong - I’m a good loving parent.

Here’s why I’ve messed them up - when they were kids , there was a lot they didn’t understand.

It’s an adult world and it is very confusing for kids.

It's the same for all of us.

We need to make sense of it.

When I was a little girl my father wasn’t very nice to me.

This wasn’t just confusing, it made me sad.

I didn’t know why he wasn’t nice to me.

But in an attempt to make sense of it I thought it was because I didn’t behave well enough.

He often told me off.

Perhaps if I behaved better then he would be better to me.

So I took control. I can fix this.

I’ll be good and he will be nice and love me. However it didn’t seem to work.

I must be very bad then! I did notice that the better I behaved, the less I got told off.

So I could control this after all! Not fix it today, but take some control over it and therefore some control over my happiness.

So I’ve spent my life being good and nice.

Then people will love me more.

Surely this is true!?

We all - without exception - have made up links, as a child.

Good and bad, helpful and unhelpful. In an attempt to make sense of the adult world, during a time that our brains weren’t developed enough to make sense of it.

Not necessarily just due to our parents - ALL the adults around us can have a part. Society has a part to play as we try to understand the culture we live in.

So even though it didn’t work totally as a child, we created a programme and rules to run by. So we haven’t grown up. We like to think that we have but underneath it all we have our programming.

I tell my kids that I’ve messed them up somehow.

Their job is to work out how and fix it !

How did your childhood mess you up?

And are you ready to overcome it?

It’s not your fault.....

But it’s your job - YOU are the only one who can fix it.

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