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Getting It Clear

When you are in conflict there are two really helpful steps you can take.

Step One - Get Clear With Yourself

  1. Write down what they said or did that triggered you.

  2. Convert each of these to make them as neutral as possible - so remove the judgement and stick to the facts.

  3. Now make a list of all the judgements you have around each of these.

  4. Each feeling is caused by a thought, so now write down your feelings for each of the list above.

  5. Now write down what you NEED.

  6. And now what you WANT - in order to get that need met.

Secondly - Phrase it palatably.

Now phrase the above but without the list at number 2.

When you did (1), I felt (3), because I need (4). So how would it be for your to do (5).

This is adapted from NVC.

Please note:1. don't say "I feel...because YOU did..."

If you need help with feelings and needs - please message for the list

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