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Are you wishing you can have more control?

Why do we, as humans, have a need to be in control?

Generally we need to have things as we 'expect' in order to feel a perceived sense of power.

Everyone is different and our needs do differ somewhat.

Regardless though, we all need control but to different extents.

  1. Some people believe they have control. Control of themselves, others and situations.

  2. Others people believe they have no control

In reality, whether we actually have control is not the important aspect.

The perceived control, or perceived lack of control, is.

Many are trying to find 'purpose' as they believe it leads to control.

With control comes a feeling of power and therefore safety.

When we are in control then we can ensure our safety.

We are wired to create a safe world to protect ourselves and quite simply stay alive.

Being in control can lead us to peace and saves energy.

What really happens is that many people either

1. Give their power away

2. Try and have power where power is not possible.

This is the dichotomy of power. Internal power vs external power.

Steven Covey illustrates this with 'circles of control'

There are three circles :

Inner circle - this is what we can control directly

Middle circle - the concerns we can possibly do something about

Outer circle - The things we have no control over

We can give our power away if we focus our energy on the outer circle. Because then we are focussing on the external - over which we have zero control . Therefore we need to learn how to stop trying to control life itself.

We can only control the internal.

We can only control ourselves.

Sometimes, as an example, we can feel anger. This in reality is a form of powerlessness.

However it can make you feel like you are in control.

This is an example of an area of control we may benefit from improving.

In summary

We want control for inner peace and happiness and to save energy.

We get control only by learning to control ourselves and giving up the wasted energy of trying to control people and things outside of ourselves.

*Photo taken from

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