No respect from my child.

How to Help Your Child Respect Authority (Without Losing Your Cool)

If you’re a mum wondering why your child never listens, seems to push every boundary, or argues with everything you say, you’re not alone.

Most parents will reach a point—often many points—where they think, “Why is my child not respecting me?”

It’s frustrating, exhausting, and sometimes a little embarrassing too, especially when it feels like other parents have kids who just do what they’re told.

But the truth is: this is completely normal.

Children aren’t born with the instinct to respect authority; it’s something they grow into over time.

And the way we guide them there matters deeply—not just for our sanity, but for their long-term emotional development.

It’s All About Ages and Stages

Let’s zoom out for a second and look at the big picture.

Toddlers are wired to say no.

It’s how they learn they’re separate from you.

That stubborn streak? Totally developmentally appropriate.

Preschoolers test limits because they’re trying to understand rules.

They want boundaries, even as they push against them.

School-aged children start noticing that other adults have authority too—teachers, coaches, etc.—and this is where some parents notice kids suddenly respecting others more than them.

Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because you’re safe, and they’re trying on their independence at home.

Tweens and teens are preparing to leave the nest (eventually!).

So naturally, they challenge authority more.

They’re practicing making decisions for themselves, which can feel disrespectful at times—but it doesn’t mean they don’t care.

In short, the behaviour you’re seeing is likely a sign your child is growing exactly as they should.

But that doesn’t mean we just put up with being ignored or shouted at.

So What Can You Do?

Here’s where positive and emotionally aware parenting makes a real difference.

You can hold authority and be kind.

You can guide your child with strength and empathy.

1. Start with Connection

Children are far more likely to respect you when they feel connected to you.

Respect doesn’t come from fear—it comes from trust.

Make space for regular one-on-one time, eye contact, and moments of joy together.

If your child is acting out, it’s often a signal they need more connection, not more consequences.

2. Acknowledge Their Feelings

“I hear that you don’t want to stop playing right now. That’s frustrating.”

This kind of empathy helps your child feel understood, which makes them less defensive and more open to hearing you out.

It doesn’t mean you let them do whatever they want—it just means you’re tuning into the emotion under the behaviour.

3. Be Clear and Calm

Firm doesn’t mean loud.

Authority doesn’t mean angry.

It means clear, consistent boundaries.

Use simple, respectful language:

“We brush our teeth before bed. You don’t have to like it, but it still needs to happen.”

When your child argues or pushes back, keep your tone neutral and don’t join the emotional storm.

Let them have their feelings, but keep the limit.

4. Follow Through with Love

If a limit is broken, calmly follow through with a logical consequence—not a punishment.

“You chose not to turn off the TV, so we won’t be watching tomorrow.”

This builds respect because it shows you mean what you say, and you’re not reacting—you’re responding.

5. Model the Respect You Want to See

Children learn by watching us.

If you yell, they’ll learn to yell.

If you interrupt, they’ll interrupt.

But if you show patience, listen deeply, and treat others with dignity, they’ll absorb that too.

You don’t have to be perfect (no one is), but every respectful interaction from you is a seed planted in them.

Final Thoughts

Helping your child respect authority is not about control—it’s about relationship.

You’re building something that lasts longer than compliance in the moment.

You’re growing a child who listens to others and to themselves, who can think critically and follow guidance.

It’s okay if this takes time.

It’s okay if you sometimes lose your cool (we all do).

What matters most is that you come back, reconnect, and keep showing up with love and clarity.

Because when a child feels safe, seen, and supported—they’re much more likely to respect the person standing in front of them.

And that person is you.

This is the reason I started my parenting program with my approach that builds on the bond between parent and child.

For specific help for your situation - tell me more about what’s going on for you .

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