Why Are You So Mentally Exhausted? It Might Be the Little Things
Have you ever reached the end of the day feeling mentally exhausted, even though you haven’t done anything particularly difficult?
We tend to blame the obvious things.
Work has been busy, we’ve had a lot on our minds, or we’ve had to deal with something stressful.
But what about all the little things that happen throughout the day?
Choosing a mug.
Finding a matching plate.
Deciding what to wear.
Working out what’s for dinner.
Remembering that we need to make a phone call, then putting it off because we haven’t got the information we need.
Individually, these things are hardly worth worrying about.
But they all require a little of our attention, and there are a lot of them.
We don’t always realise how much mental energy we’re using just to get through an ordinary day.
The little things add up
Think about a kitchen cupboard full of mismatched plates and mugs.
You open the door and have to look through everything to find what you want.
It’s a small thing.
You might not even consciously register the irritation.
But now imagine doing this sort of thing repeatedly throughout the day, alongside all the other decisions and demands on your attention.
That’s the point.
It’s not necessarily one big problem that’s wearing you down.
It can be the accumulation of lots of small ones.
Some decisions need careful thought.
Others are barely conscious, but still require us to stop and work something out.
And when we’re already busy, even a small amount of extra effort can feel like too much.
Why your brain likes routine
Our brains are remarkably good at learning routines.
Once we know how to do something, we don’t need to think about every step.
Consider your morning routine.
You probably do many things in much the same order each day.
Imagine having to stop and make a fresh decision about every single one of them.
It would be exhausting.
Habits help us avoid that.
They allow us to get on with familiar tasks without using as much conscious attention.
This is also why some people simplify their choices deliberately.
They might wear similar clothes each day, keep their keys in the same place or have a set routine for getting ready in the morning.
They’re not necessarily being rigid.
They’re making some parts of life easier so they can concentrate on other things.
The same principle applies around the home.
If you constantly have to search for things, sort through clutter or work out where something belongs, perhaps there’s a simpler way of organising it.
You don’t have to change everything.
But it’s worth noticing where you’re making life harder than it needs to be.
Stop chopping and changing
There’s another drain on our mental energy that we may not give much thought to: switching between tasks.
You start answering an email, remember something you need to buy, check your shopping list, notice a text message and reply to it.
Then you return to the email and have to work out where you were up to.
By the end of the morning, you’ve been busy, but how much have you actually finished?
Psychologist Stephen Monsell reviewed research on task switching in 2003.
The research found that switching between tasks generally comes with a cost.
People tend to respond more slowly when they have to change from one task to another.
Your brain needs time to redirect its attention.
This is one reason multitasking can feel more tiring than concentrating on one thing at a time.
We can’t always avoid interruptions, especially when we’re working with other people or raising children.
But we can sometimes change how we organise our day.
For example, rather than checking emails every few minutes, you could deal with them in one or two blocks of time.
You might make several phone calls together or do your household errands in one trip.
It won’t always be possible, but reducing unnecessary switching can make a difference.
What does this have to do with our needs?
When we’re mentally exhausted, we can be quick to blame ourselves.
We think we should be more organised, manage our time better or simply get on with things.
But sometimes we need to look at what’s actually going on.
Are we trying to do too much?
Are we allowing ourselves enough time to complete things?
Are we constantly responding to other people’s demands without getting a chance to think?
Through the Whole Needs© approach, we look at what might be happening beneath our reactions and what we need to function well.
Sometimes we need rest.
Sometimes we need space, support or a more predictable routine.
And sometimes we simply need to stop adding unnecessary demands to an already busy day.
This can affect our relationships, too.
When our minds are full, we may have less patience for interruptions and small frustrations.
A child asking a question, a partner needing something or one more job to do can suddenly feel like too much.
We might snap at someone and then wonder why we reacted so strongly.
It doesn’t mean we’re not responsible for our reactions.
But understanding the mental load we’re carrying can help us recognise when we’re running low on capacity and do something about it.
Instead of always asking how we can fit more into the day, we could ask what we can make simpler.
In summary
We often think mental exhaustion comes from the big things we have to deal with.
But the small decisions, interruptions and everyday frustrations can take their toll, too.
Here are three things to try.
1. Notice where your energy goes.
Pay attention to the little things that irritate you, make you stop and think, or distract you from what you’re doing. You might be surprised by how often the same things crop up.
2. Make one thing easier.
Perhaps you waste time looking for things, have too many choices to make in the morning or find a particular household task unnecessarily frustrating. Find one way to simplify it.
3. Group similar tasks together.
Where you can, do similar things at the same time rather than continually switching between them. Try dealing with emails together, making several phone calls in one sitting or grouping errands into one trip.
You don’t need to change your whole routine. Start by noticing what’s draining your energy and see whether there’s an easier way.
Sometimes, making life feel more manageable isn’t about becoming better at doing things. It’s about recognising which things don’t need to be so difficult in the first place.
References
Psychology reference
Monsell, S. (2003). Task switching. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 7(3), 134–140.
Whole Needs Parenting approach
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