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Why you don’t ask for help?

You are struggling after all (aren't we all)

You do actually want some help.

'Help' gives you more time & energy for the things you love

The question is : DO you ask for help?

**** Does this sound like you?

We've all been in the situation where we could do with help.

I never used to ask.

I wasn't aware of my own needs.

I focussed on other's needs.

I'm independent, I'm resourceful, I have an "I can do it" attitude. I didn't even know 'how' to ask for help, or 'who' to ask. I would struggle on, on my own with determination.

This seemed okay!

When are your needs a priority?

When you do get a look in?

Last week I made, what felt like, a huge mistake.

I was trying to help someone

I thrive on helping, I love that I can help.

When I can be of help, I pitch in, to save suffering & make other's lives easier.

This was the intention, last week.

The person was struggling. They were stressed with two things.

I offered up an easier way - a shortcut (my speciality) to fast track fixing them. They didn't want to do this, so they continued with their way.

After ten days they were still complaining & moaning to me that they hadn't solved their problems & it was stressing them.

The problems involved me also but they had taken it upon themselves to be the one to sort it. Now I stepped in. In two phone calls I sorted them both.

I told them & asked if that made things better.

What I'd missed is that they had just wanted to download & moan to me.

They hadn't wanted the problems fixed.

So of course this didn't solve all their stress.

However what shocked me was the fury directed at me.

I was told I had interfered.

I had inadvertently given them the message that I believed they weren't capable of fixing it themselves.

I had undermined them.

I was shocked. And I felt gutted. My intention had been to help and relieve their pain.

The reason is because I'm a people pleaser.

This is something I've been working on! However I got tripped up here.

I learned two lessons here.

  1. Don't help without first checking if the person wants help.

  2. Be careful of the message you give someone when you help

So the answer : why you don't want help or why you don't ask for help:

**** Is this familiar?

Like me - it's not because you don't want it.

1. You aren't considering your needs

2. The message it gives to you - that you aren't good enough as you are.

That you aren't capable or clever enough to sort it for yourself.

**** What can you do?

What if you give yourself another message?

What if you change the perspective? -

Identify your needs and put your needs first.

Maybe: You can fix this yourself, you are good enough - however it's okay to take a shortcut and ask for assistance.

We have all been in the situation where we could do with some help.

We all want to try and dig ourselves out.

However - why reinvent the wheel - if someone can help you and short cut it for you - save your energy and resources and time.

Ask for help.

Then you have more time and energy for the things you love and enjoy in life.

If you are struggling with something in life - I can help you today.

Send a message now.

Tell me what your struggle is.

Let's free up your time and energy now.

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