I want it and I want it now!
Why can't I have what I want?
Do you ever wonder why you can't have what you want? The truth is that you can. The question you need to ask yourself is “what's holding me back?”. This is a better place to start. The answer to the first question is that you can have what you want; first you need to know what you want. It's not money and it's not a new car and it's not delicious food - well it is - but these are just the vehicle to get what you want - what you really really want is a feeling. The feeling that having any one (or all ) of those things gives you.
What's holding me back?
Not that you are asking the right question we can begin to get to the right answer. The long and short of it is that limiting beliefs are holding you back. If you read the previous blog - you will already know that we are run by programmes within our subconscious. Programmes that we have set up (with the help of molding from society). So if we set them up ourselves then we have the power to change them. Right? Are you ready and open to changing them. Ok, first - find out what they are.
What are limiting beliefs?
Most limiting beliefs were set up as a child. When you were young and you were trying to make sense of what was going on in the world you placed meaning on the behaviours you saw. Sometimes the adults were helpful and would tell you what the behaviours are about - for example : you need to be quiet, children should be seen and not heard (you all know this outdated one). Others you have made up yourself - why did he dump me? (because... add your answer here), you then look to reinforce that at any opportunity you can. This makes it ore valid in your mind. Note though - it does not make it true.
How to find YOUR limiting beliefs
You will know some of your limiting beliefs, but not how to change them. However if you don't know them then you first need to identify the sneaky things! You need to ask yourself some questions, and you need to give yourself honest answers (you may benefit from having a coach or mentor assist you here). 1. What did you get praise for as a child 2. Tell me strong feelings you have about the following categories: a. Finance
d. Health 3. Now look at each and ask yourself which help you to grow (and which don't) 4. Look at your behaviour - a. what don't you like about your life (you want to change) b. What areas of your life are challenging for you.
Create awareness everyday
Now you have created the awareness, expand on this. Be aware every day how you are running these programmes. Make the decision that you want to change these so you can change the outcome. Be aware, it takes some determination - they are well ingrained habits and are linked to emotions. Emotions are very strong - when you get near them they are like a magnetic - they immediately stick. What's more, they aren't keen on being changed. They believe they are there to protect you. However if you have done the exercise above you now know that they no longer protect you (if they ever did).
Check the validity
Now that you have created full awareness, you need to check the validity of them and decide what you want to update them with. Just chose one at a time. Here are some questions to ask yourself:
What is the thought or belief?
Why is this a problem for me?
Is this true all of the time?
Am I only counting evidence that supports this belief?
Is it ever NOT true?
What evidence is there against it?
What other perspective can I see this from?
Is this belief a fact, is it really true?
If you are still not clear how you can have what you want please contact Life Mentoring.
Vanessa Coultas Psychology BSc(Hons) Life Mentor (CTAA)