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Money, Money, Money! Let's Talk Without The Numbers

Are you fed up with the frustration of money not working for you? Not having enough money, saving too much money? Do you want freedom from the chains of your money woes? Where you are now doesn't have to have a bearing on your future. Do you want your future to be different? You do. Read on now so you can make a change. 

Do you want to be filthy stinking rich?

Please get a pen and paper and write down your answer to this question.  

Then answer: WHY

(I'll come back to this at the end of the article)

The subject of money has generally been a forbidden subject. We aren't supposed to talk about money. People never spoke of what they earned, how much they had and how much they saved. 

I'd love to help you with money.  

And today I will!!

I'm not going to give you some money (sorry), although as we all know that wouldn't really solve anything. It would, at best, give you a temporary burst and you may go on a fantastic spending spree (and thoroughly enjoy it). You may give some away to others - well done to all the givers out there. The truth of it is though, whatever happens, however much you get, you will always end up back at the same place. Why? 

Spending Pattern

We ALL have a spending pattern. You will never out-earn your belief system. No matter what we do to try and change it we always end up the same. Its like any other pattern in our lives. You actually become your belief system and this is reflected in your life and how you treat it. So if you want to know your beliefs - look at your life. It's a habit and its ingrained in us - hard and fast. We've been practising it for years. We probably learned it from our parents.  Its not going to change - not on its own. Its our safety - we know how it works, it feels comfortable. To change it we have to move through the uncomfortable stage and out the other side. The other side of fear is freedom! Do you want freedom from your money pattern.

What stops us creating wealth:

Lack of focus (wherever your focus is directed the pattern continues. so make it positive)

Lack of knowledge

Lack of belief and 


What is your spending pattern?


Where to start? THIS is where. Right here, Right now. You look at your pattern initially - that's the first step. The first stage of ANY change is awareness. So lets create that awareness. The first thing you need to do is to start a list. And this list is nothing to do with what you are spending. PHEW!!

What are your thoughts, your feelings, excuses, and beliefs about your view of money and its value?

Write a list of all the words and phrases you know and use about money. 

We want to know - what are your stories about money, what are your excuses for your money situation. What feelings do you have around money - shame and guilt? Write it all down. 

See the list below for some examples:

Money can't buy you love

You can't take it with you when you die

I don't buy cheap rubbish

Only the best for me

I want value for money

I can't save

I don't make enough money

Money is the root of all evil

I never have money left at the end of the week

I never have enough money for a deposit/house

I hate budgets

I need to work hard for my money

What is your negative self talk around money

I want a lifestyle that expensive

We shouldn’t talk about money

We shouldn’t take more than our fair share

We mustn't barter or negotiate

Money causes fights


What are yours? Spend the next few days starting to notice more and more what you say to yourself about money. Please do share and send me your list.

We have an action around money, then there is an excuse for it/behind it. 

After an action we the feeling attached to it and then excuse, the justification. 

After the feeling and justification - we apply thoughts to those actions. It is these thoughts that have become our belief. This belief has been set up to back up ALL of our past experience and consolidate it.


The second step is to acknowledge the above thoughts/beliefs about money. So now take responsibility. We have now identified your relationship with money. Your thoughts and belief have created your reality. This is your opportunity to create change. 


You have made a choice. It's been your choice all along (although to be fair you may not have realised it). You have chosen not to make money work in your favour. However the good news then is that its now your choice to change this!


The third step is to reframe your beliefs about money. This is the work bit. You know now what is going on. Decide your new story. What do you want. what do you want to say about money and how do you want your next chapter to look. Decide it now and change your language and thoughts and belief to move towards the new you.

l'll tell you about the psychology of money/spending. This is so you can see why we can't change it without a bit of work:

Our brain has a subconscious and a conscious. 95%, (yes that's right 95%) of our thinking is done with our subconscious. That means the subconscious is running the show! It's behind everything and it will always win. The subconscious makes sure that it continues to run its programmes. So no matter what you say - out loud or consciously in your mind - this cannot over write the programme beneath it. You can say affirmations in the mirror until you are blue in the face - e.g. I will be rich, I will have money... but unless you change the programme in your subconscious it will always, always revert to this. So this is why I know that if you are 'no good' with money, if you are a spender, then no matter how much money I give you you will still spend it. UNTIL or unless you make changes.

Please note and remember that your self image and your fears are interlinked. These are backed up by your limiting beliefs -"the list" in this case of money. These have all be determined by the meaning you placed on events and experiences as a child. For example, say your parents withheld money from you as a child - what meaning did you put on that. That you weren't worth spending on or did you revert to the opposite (that you must spend money on yourself because you're worth spending all the money you have on). I'm worth a lot so I need to spend a lot or are you still not worth much or still not worth spending money on. Or as a child did you think if only I had this, that and the other, I'd feel better about myself? 

These beliefs - whichever they are - then become habits. And then as you go through life you look to confirm these beliefs. Everything that happens you assess in the light of your beliefs. And seek to confirm and validate what you "already know".  The results becoming your spending pattern. and so it continues. Hopefully only until now. 

The List

So you've made your list. This is how you view money. This is the programme you subconscious runs by and this is what happens, and has happened, until now. Are you ready to change it? Then do the list fully and then look at the list. What are your self limits you are imposing, by your views on money. Here is where you need to make the changes. Every time you see the word money - swap it for value. eg I'll never be rich becomes I'll never be of value; money can't buy happiness - I'll never value happiness; money cant be spent freely - nothing is of enough value.

The Feeling

Now I want you to think about  feeling. Consider what you want the money for. Write a list. Another list. Please write down 25 things that you currently want. Then one by one go through this list and write beside each one the FEELING that you will get when you have this.

Ultimately this is what you are wanting. You aren't wanting the thing itself. You want the money to buy the feeling. For example you want a house to maybe buy security. The reason you need to do this exercise is so that you don't keep spending money in the hope that you get that elusive feeling that buying the item buys. The feeling is fleeting and results in a never ending circle of you then needing to buy the next thing to once again fulfill that feeling and eventually draining all your cash,

The two lessons I'd like you to take away from today are: 

1. You need to change your relationship with money

2. You need to consider, really consider, what feeling you are wanting to buy with money.


That was a bit of a question at the start. It's set up to get a reaction, but the point is - what were your "WHY's"? This gives you are idea of your views on money.

Please do help others by adding to the comments your money phrases. We can all help each other. Contact Life Mentoring to move through this to the freedom the other side.

Vanessa Coultas

Psychology BSc(Hons)

Life Mentor (CTAA)

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